When I wake up every morning questions flood into my consciousness. When will I ever graduate? When will I get married? When will I find my choice career? These are the uncertainties that overwhelm me everyday.
I don’t feel my age because I haven’t acquired what people at my age have. I have worked so hard but yet I’m back at square one.
I am currently jobless and degree-less in a time when I feel I need it the most. God is pushing me to marriage during a personally unstable time. How can I plan a wedding with zero knowledge of where I will be within a month or a year? This is not who envisioned myself to be at 28.
Without a job, I have been dedicating more time to reading the bible and decided I wanted to read more about Jacob. It reminded me of pastor Steven Furtick’s recent series on Jacob entitled “Death to Selfie”.
In a sermon called “When God Shows Up in the Middle of Nowhere”, Furtick talks about when Jacob fled his home fearing being murdered by his brother Esau. He makes the journey to his uncles Laban’s house. Jacob was in his seventies with nothing but a stick. At a rest stop in Bethel, he lies down and has a dream where he saw a stairway leading to heaven. God promises him that He would be protected and that he would have many decedents. Jacob would be a blessed man.
After arriving at his uncle’s house he marries both of his uncles daughters. Jacob is later forced to leave his uncle’s house in fear and God commands him to go to Bethel. Jacob realizes how far he has come with God’s protection. He once fled his own home with nothing and now had two camps with wives, children, and livestock. In Bethel, God showed up twice in the middle of nowhere. He changed Jacobs name to Israel and promised him that he would be become a great nation.
Steven Furtick said,“We are so destination driven, it’s all about where we are going and what we are going to do. We often want to be anywhere accept where we are. And what can happen in your life is that you can be so destination driven that you can actually arrive where you always wanted to be and not even know it.”
We can be so caught up in a goal or a dream that we don’t see that God has already done so much and is still with us. These barren times require us to take a trip back to Bethel, to the middle of nowhere. Recently, I have been going back.
I remember being locked up in my room for weeks and months on end as a teenager. I had no will to live. I had gone through so much and was overwhelmed to the point of hopelessness. I couldn’t walk down the street, take a bus or a train, or sit in a class. These things may be ludicrous for some but to me it’s a big deal to order some thing in a restaurant or run an errand alone. I was very dependent on people for everything. I had “boyfriends” because I was insecure and lonely. My life was a mess. I went to three high schools and dropped out of two. I was always a target for the popular girls. When I started college, I continued in unhealthy relationships. God was there, but I wasn’t willing to surrender to him.
Today, I’m in Bethel. I feel like I’m in the middle of nowhere. But even though I’m not where I’m supposed to be by His grace I’m not where I was supposed to be.
I have such a supportive family who has blessed me with their encouragement in such a difficult time. I have an amazing fiancée who I met when God was beginning to change our lives in a crazy way. We didn’t always put God first at the start but He allowed us to continue this journey together after 7 years. I have amazing friends some that I’ve taken for granted and today are still there. I haven’t graduated college but I’m attending a great one. People told me in high school that I wouldn’t graduate. Fences in my broken relationships are being mended. I’m healing from my past. I don’t know where God is taking me exactly, but I know I never imagined I’d be in this position when I was 16 yrs. old.
So if you are in the same situation. Why don’t we start thanking God in the waiting room for what He has already done? And when He opens a new door we will be ready to walk into whatever He has for us with humility and understanding.
Go back to Bethel right now. Back to the place God promised you something. Let Him show you how much he has already done for you.
Watch Pastor Steven Furtick’s Sermon, When God Shows Up in the Middle of Nowhere, here!