I despise false titles for the blog post such as, “I Want to Divorce My Wife” but then the author talks about solely dating his wife for the rest of his life.
So with that said, I’m going to apologize beforehand and disclaim the facts from the beginning.
I am engaged to my fiancé Jerry, who is an amazing person. God willing, I’m going to get married to Jerry one day. I love him and see God’s favor in our relationship. Jerry will always be my best friend. That’s who he was to me seven years ago and still is until this day. I have no doubt in my mind that he will be a great husband.
The truth is that the idea of marriage has been a huge struggle for me. I haven’t always been enthusiastic about my future with Jerry. Marriage was always something that I was not willing to commit to.
I went through a very trying time with Jerry about two years ago concerning this issue. I didn’t want to continue dating because it had been made clear to us that marriage was where our relationship was heading. Some leaders really poured into our life during my season of doubt and it was confirmed numerous times that he would be my husband one day. Still, the concept of marriage in my life is not as easy for me to except as my fellow peers. Even as I am currently engaged, I struggle with change and moving forward in this decision.
However, I do believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe in waiting to have sex or move in together until you are married. I also have many good examples of God-fearing marriages in my community, including my amazing parents.
Currently, I see that God is helping to chip away the old parts of me that are holding me back from moving forward. Marriage is a higher calling that requires a God like mindset.
These are the reasons I present to God about why I cannot get married. I pray it blesses you.
1. I Don’t Want Him To Know the Real Me.
When you are married, your spouse really becomes aware of what your bad habits are. There might be garbage you are comfortable dragging around in singleness, but when you are married its starts to smell to your husband/wife. There are things you constantly need to change and improvise on.
A prideful person doesn’t want to commit to a relationship because sometimes they don’t want to move beyond the surface. This process takes humility and transparency. For me, this is one of my struggles. I can usually spot the wrongs in someone else but quickly deny what others see in me. I don’t want my future husband to see the real me. My inadequacies don’t make me seem as perfect as I want to appear.
Marriage sharpens your imperfections to make you a better version of yourself. It is a blessing that challenges you to be all that God intended you to be. Currently, I see how much Jerry has gracefully approached my faults and I pray I will do the same for him. (1 Corinthians 13:4-6)
2. I Don’t Want To Fight Fair.
For several years, Jerry and I have learned a lot about how we argue with each other. Our disagreements haven’t always been resolved in the healthiest fashion. It’s easier sometimes to be rude and to seek revenge when you feel like someone is not valuing your opinion.
Godly relationships require godly resolve and marriage is no different. I can’t leave when it gets difficult. I have to handle every situation with respect and care. I’m firstly accountable to God and how he wants me to handle every argument. Therefore, I must learn to trust God with handling disagreements His way and not mine. (Proverbs 21:19)
3. I Don’t Want To Submit.
“I don’t want a man to tell me what to do. I want to come and go as I please.”
This negative view of submission is not only dangerous in marriage; it’s toxic in any relationship. As Christians, we must submit to all our leaders and people in authority. Marriage is no different. As future wives, we must learn that a man is the head of the home. It doesn’t mean he has the right to manipulate or control you. It means that he is called to guide his family in love and with purpose.
As long as Jerry is following God, I will be more than willing to follow him. My husband is also called to serve me in love as I submit to him. This is not slavery. Marriage is dual servanthood. (Ephesians 5:22-33)
4. I’m Not Ready Yet. I’m Not Where I Want to Be
Many people like myself believe they must bring something solid into a marriage to make it good. I always thought I needed to finish college and have a career in order to be qualified for marriage. It would be the only way I would be content enough to move on to the next commitment. But a godly marriage does allow the opportunity to achieve and grow together. I have seen many couples achieve more goals in ministry and career in marriage than in singleness.
5. I don’t like covenants, I like contracts.
As young adults, we drop anything that isn’t easy or doesn’t work for us. Something can be termed “IN” one day and “OUT” the next. It’s all about what makes us feel better and how much faster we can get it. I personally like the comfort of opting of any commitment that does not favor me.
Marriage is a covenant that you cannot simply opt out of when you wish. Even if you both separate and move on, your union still exists in the eyes of God. I am learning on the importance of marriage as a covenant and not a contract. In my current time of uncertainty, I have to trust God and hang on. This practice is preparing my spiritual muscle for marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:39)