Most millennials are so weary about the idea and concept of marriage but are so intrigued by wedding blogs, engagement ring posts, or young married couples on social media. We are a generation obsessed with love for what is at face value.
For most millennial women, engagement ring posts seem to be the most popular in social media feeds. People that never seem to comment all of a sudden want to know every detail about the couple and their wedding.
Our culture seems to put all the attention on getting married and the superficial gains of a marriage.
How I Realized that Marriage Is Not The Answer
A few years ago I had a conversation about marrying Jerry with my former youth pastor and he told me, “You are an adult when you leave your house and get married.” I believe that statement is true.
And so after a year of dealing with depression/bad anxiety, I was ready to move forward, marry Jerry and be the adult that I couldn’t be on my own for so long. I would be able to go to school again, get a job, and be a better person. I was excited to marry Jerry and reach my potential. I realized that this was an idea many of women my age have. Its kind of shallow to say it but I know I am not alone in my ideas. I am certain that a lot of women think this way as well.
I honestly believe that my heart was the source of why I went through a difficult period in my life this year. I blamed my situation on people and things but God was dealing with my heart. I had to learn to appreciate what marriage would be in my life.
I don’t want to seem solely superficial. I do love Jerry so much. And I am so excited to be his wife. We had dated for 8 years before we got married and my reasons for marrying weren’t one-sided. However, some of the ideas that I had were depthless. This is a reflection of not only my heart but a generation obsessed with marriage as the answer.
We see marriage as a benefit to us instead of God’s creation.
When I came back from my honeymoon, my apartment was unlivable. We couldn’t stay there for reasons beyond our control. So we spent some time in my parents house which was definitely a humbling experience. I thought I would be moving forward, becoming an adult, but in my mind I was moving back. I wasn’t depressed but I definitely felt suppressed. All the things we want to do seemed like they had to wait. I felt like I downgraded. I was back in my old room with Jerry trying to figure out marriage.
I think God used that time to show me my heart. I realized that some of my views on marriage I couldn’t bring into my new place. I had to leave them behind. I figured out that my focus needed to be on God and whatever my marriage needed from me at this time. I also needed to think about my marriage as a legacy and that the small beginnings were important.
The idea that looking more desirable in marriage and being a part of certain group is a hope that many millennials secretly have. Joining accounts and reaching goals, I realized that marriage is more than that. Time away from our apartment made me realize that I wasted time looking at some of the superficial. I didn’t think about the journey that we were on and got impatient about my life when things were not looking as pretty as I wished it would. I hadn’t been married too long to know what the seasons of marriage were, but I’d gone through difficult situations to know what it required. If I based solely superficial reasons on why I should marry, my marriage would only last for a certain time.
Marriage is not the answer to a personal issue and for many it is a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
For the last couple of months my problem was depression. It was the feeling of loneliness and no advancements. Married people seemed to be having all the fun. Marriage would bring a new level and new inspiration.
Then you get married and you realize that you are the same person with the same insecurities and comparison issues. Marriage is not meant to be a fulfillment factor. Its two people coming together and adding on to what God is doing in them individually. You are fulfilling your life in Him and adding to someones life and their mission. Marriage is joining together to show what God wanted for humanity. Marriage is for a lifetime. That means you might want in because he or she looks good and dresses nice but what about when he’s 70?
Millennials, realize that marriage is not the the end to your misery or the beginning of knowing your value. The source is Christ and where He wants to lead you.
Marriage is not the answer but its a great thing. If you know what its about you will treat it as such.
1 Peter 3 4-6
Cultivate Inner Beauty
Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.
What superficial thoughts have you ever had on marriage? How do you think our culture views marriage?
Would love to hear your thoughts!